Tax Tales

If you ever want to know how loose the average American’s connection to the concept of honesty is, you just have to do taxes for a while. Most folks will say anything to get a bigger refund. What’s even more amazing is that they expect the person preparing their taxes to collude with them. Some examples:

“Off the record, I did air conditioning repair work last year. But I had to buy my tools all over again, because somebody stole them, so I didn’t hardly make enough money to talk about. We don’t have to report that, right?”
That would be a Schedule C business, and the excess of revenue over expenses has to be reported as income. And yes, you do have to report it, especially when you have just told the tax preparer that you have a side business.

Or another:

“I was separated from my husband in 2008 and 2009, so I filed as Head of Household. But my husband I got back together a few months ago.”
So you were married on December 31. You and your husband will have to file as Married, either Jointly or Separately. If you choose Married Filing Separately (MFS), you will lose the Earned Income Credit, along with most of the refund you got last year.
“We only got back together a few months ago, and he doesn’t want to file with me. Can’t we just forget I mentioned him?”
You can’t unring a bell. You can’t change your story after learning the tax consequences. The good news is that you get the share the joys of connubial bliss again.

Or this one, taken over the phone:

“I get $8000 a year in disability payments. Someone else claimed me on their tax return. How much of his refund belongs to me?”
If he provided more than 50% of your support, he can claim you as a dependent, in which case his refund belongs to him. If he did not provide half your support, and you knew he was going to claim you as a dependent, you have both committed tax fraud. What did you say your name was?
“*click*”