Waterboarding and other unpleasantness

Some thirty years ago, I was a cadet attending ROTC summer training camp in Ft. Benning, Georgia. One day of the training was dedicated to adventure training. Rappeling, zip lines, biting the heads off chickens. That sort of thing.

At one point during the day, a group of cadets sat down with one of the training sergeants, a grizzled old Viet Nam vet. Somehow the discussion turned to the subject of questioning prisoners of war. The sergeant said that during the war, they would take two blindfolded VC up in a helicopter and start questioning them. Then they would tie a rope around one of them and throw him out of the chopper. The other would hear the screams as the man was pushed out, which was enough to get him to start answering questions.

Then the veteran said “If you really want information, you take the 9 volt battery out of the walkie-talkie handset, and press both terminals against the man’s temple. Bzzt! When he gets finished singing God Bless America, he’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

At this point he stopped and looked at the group of college students surrounding him, and saw the absolutely shocked faces. It was silent for a moment. Then, with dead sincerity, the sergeant said “That’s not torture. That’s interrogation.”

With the current media pyrotechnics about the Bush administrations “advanced interrogation” policies, it is worth noting this is not the first time we, as a society, have attempted to define the issue of what constitutes torture, and what is merely tough questioning. I think the question does not lend itself to bright and shining boundaries.

Pulling someone’s fingernails off with pliers? Yes, that’s torture. Sleep deprivation? Maybe. Now we’re in the grey area. Making a suspect wear women’s underwear, or having a woman lead him around with a dog leash? Please, you pay extra for that in Vegas.

But in struggling with these issues as policy is set, I have a suggestion. A modest proposal. Call it a version of sauce for the gander.

Have your attorneys draft memos outlining the limits of what is acceptable. This is just what the Bush administration did. Then take those same attorneys and subject them to the same interrogation techniques they proposed. If they say waterboarding is legal, waterboard ‘em. If they say exposure to cold is legal, stick ‘em in a meat locker. At the end of the process, is they still sign off on the memos, you have your policy.

Think of it as a new version of the Golden Rule. Not, “Do unto others as you would have done to yourself.” Not, “Do unto others as they would do unto you, but do it first.” No, not even the classic, “Whoever has the gold makes the rules.”

This version of the Golden Rule is “Don’t do anything unto others that you wouldn’t be willing to have done to yourself.”