You Can't Make This Stuff Up

The Democratic Party will hold their national convention in the mile high city of Denver this August. As part of the planning for this major event, rules have been issued to govern the suppliers of various items used at the convention.

A big part of the push is to apply strict environmental rules to the activities. Leading the charge is Denver’s mayor, John Hickenlooper, who calls green activities “the new patriotism.” Somehow I wasn’t aware that there was anything wrong with the old patriotism. In charge of the greening of the convention is Andrea Robinson, the first ever Director of Greening. She couldn’t do it alone (it must take a village), so she hired an Official Carbon Advisor.

To test whether the balloons were biodegradable, Ms. Robinson buried some in a compost heap to bake away into fertilizer. The initial results from this test were not promising, so she added more liquid and reburied the balloons. Maybe the biodegradable balloons were only half-baked, only needing more time to become fully baked.

Then there are the fanny packs and baseball caps to be given away to each of the delegates. They are to be made with union labor. Out of organic fabric. Apparently the official merchandiser is having a hard time locating a supplier. According to Bob DeMasse: "We have a union cap or an organic cap. But we don't have a union-organic offering." I suspect that union caps cost twice as much as other suppliers, and organic caps also cost twice as much. Combine the two, and maybe Mr. DeMasse just didn’t want offer items that cost four times the market rate. Or maybe to switch over to organic cloth would have required the union shops to renegotiate their contracts.

The best part is the catering rules. For example, no fried food. Zip, nil, nada. This, of course, makes sense from the viewpoint of the party espousing national health care. After all, is the government is going to pay for your medical care, the government should be able to control what you eat. It’s for your own good.

My personal favorite is the rule that states every meal should include "at least three of the following colors: red, green, yellow, blue/purple, and white." (Garnishes don't count.) I can’t figure out whether this is supposed to be more nutritious, or if it is a way of demonstrating the Democratic Party’s commitment to diversity.

For me, these rules are a taste of what the Democratic Party would enforce on the entire country. If they win enough power in the next election.